Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about the person I am and the person I want to be. Weight Watchers pushed me to focus on everything I put in my mouth and how much movement I do every day which has gradually turned into why I eat and drink those certain things and what has prevented me from moving more. I think I have always blamed my poor choices on "not having enough time" or "being too stressed" or "wanting to be like those people who can eat anything and not gain weight" but I know those were just excuses. I think I didn't see how much strength and will power I have. Sure it didn't happen overnight and I am not perfect by any means. Each day I try to push myself a little bit more. Whether it be that I ate one bite less than I normally would have or I pushed my activity for one extra minute I am still doing more than I was before, which was not a whole lot.

This has been a process. And what I mean by "this" is my entire 26 years of life on this planet. I have made mistakes and I know I have beat myself up way more than I ever needed to. I look back at the mistakes I have made and how I punished myself for them (negative self-talk that is never constructive) and feel sad that I allowed myself to do that. I get in my head too much and think other people are analyzing everything I say and do, which is ridiculous because I am not that important for them to obsess over! :) I guess what I am trying to say is I need to focus less on what others might be thinking about me and focus more on things I can control: being the best person I can be.

I am proud of so many things I have accomplished. I don't say this to gloat but rather to express that I have worked really hard for things in my life and all the rewards that came with that hard work are worth feeling great about. I have a taken a path in life that I feel comfortable with that has challenged me and I believe will continue to push me into becoming a better, happier person. I am so grateful to all the help and support that has been given to me along the way. The family and friend support along with the professional relationships and mentors I have had the pleasure of meeting have truly made it worthwhile. And those who were not as supportive just pushed me that much harder to reach my goals because I am not going to let anyone deter me from my path.

I was reading a fellow WW member's blog online and she said she read something about picking a word each year to describe what you goal is going to be. For example she knew last year she was going to get married so her word was "Commitment". At the first of the year I really couldn't think of one word that desribed what 2012 was going to be to me. After a lot of thought and reflection I think my word for 2012 is DETERMINATION. I am determined to reach my weight loss goals of getting to my goal weight, my fitness goals of running a 5K, my professional goals of being sucessful at my new job, my personal goals of learning to sew and perform better in my dad's band. I believe in myself and I know I can do it :)
Wearing a dress I haven't worn in 5 years!


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