A Realization

I know this isn't profound or anything, but in the last couple of days I have come to realize two things.

The first one is that food and drink, essentially anything you put in your mouth. should have these 3 components: you should be eating because you are hungry, the food should taste good, and it should make your body feel better as a result. For so much of my life I have been conscious of my weight and I feel like I have always been trying some new "diet". It was Slimfast in high school, not eating much until dinner in jr high, and then college was full of not caring as much- eating meat even though it has always been hard for me to digest, drinking SO much booze, and getting munchies at the gas station to eat while I watched a move or played Sim Life.

For the past 3 years I have really focused on food tasting good and eating the right portions. I did really well for 2.5 years and the last 6 months have brought a lot more eating for the wrong reasons. I think the binging and living on popcorn has been mostly a result of depression from getting diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis and then having a constant flair since Labor Day weekend that it makes it hard to be as active as I used to be. Lately I have been more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and how it makes me feel. I found that alcohol has been something that really irritates my joints and makes them swell rather quickly. If I eat food that is more processed, like chips and candy, I get really bloated and feel gross.

It's not easy to always say no, but when I put my health and well-being first, it does get easier. Instead of focusing on all of the things that have changed in a negative light, I want to focus on all of the positive things, such as keeping my weight off, still being more active than I used to be, exploring new foods like green veggies- I love them! Sometimes I feel like a bother because of my food restrictions but then I think about the people who don't like all the vegetables and I have to say, it makes me cooking for others sometimes hard too, so I am not unique in this aspect, just different from the Standard American Diet, which is heavy in bread and dairy.

The second thing I have realized is you have to take it one day at a time. I get so frustrated with myself when I binge or don't end up working out like I had planned. Or I am too tired to go out, and even stay up to watch some TV. Some days I have more energy than others, some days I don't. I want to be EVERYTHING and it's okay for me to not. It just means I have to interact differently than before. Do things with others earlier so I can make it home by 10pm. Plan on watching a movie, going for coffee, going for walk. Those activities leave me feeling good and less exhausted than parties where the objective is to drink. That's just really not what makes me feel good anymore. I think it's okay every once in awhile but every weekend or monthly just might be too much.

I think in general, these 2 realizations are mostly a part of getting older and hopefully wiser. I think the trick is to leave the guilt out of things I do or do not do. I have to be comfortable with the decisions I make. Only I can make myself feel bad, no one else has that power over me. People can be dicks, don't get me wrong, but it's how I choose to let it affect me and my life that matters. Some days I need more help with it than others while most days I let it go. It's frustrating because I wish I could make people see when they are hurting others and that alone would stop them from continuing the behavior but some people just don't realize the affect their words and actions have on others. It just encourages me to remember to be cognizant of myself, and hope that by sharing love and respect and generosity, it will encourage others to do that same, which would make this world a lot friendlier place.

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!


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